Mad,Angry,Bitter, Feminist.

These slurs are very much associated with modern day feminism and you see, when you take time to observe the happenings around you, in relation to women and their daily encounters it becomes clear that this is indeed the only way to be a feminist. There is nothing subtle about misogyny. It will oppress and marginalize women in any and every way possible, from simple things to really complex life threatening situations. Misogyny refuses to see women as individuals capable of existing as independent entities and making choices for themselves without cowering to some man-made limiting and oppressive standard that sets out to box their entire existence and most times, mark the end of this very existence. Does this in any way seem like something anyone should approach with levity?

There’s indeed no way to escape the harmful practices of misogyny. It chases you at work, in school, in church, in the market square and even to the streets. If it doesn’t get a grip on you in the streets, it will confront you in the comfort of your home and if you manage to resist it there, it drives you to the confines of a casket. You just know there’s no way you’re escaping it, dead or alive; because even in death, no matter the gory circumstances, you will still be exposed to so much public scrutiny and victim shaming— can you now call that rest?

Women are plagued daily by unbelievably demeaning and oppressive acts that are now deeply rooted in our everyday lives; it has become systematically established to operate in this way so much so that speaking up against these practices becomes you straying away from the norm and because you dare to be – different, outspoken, ridden with choice and rebellious, so much rage is piled on you. If your will isn’t what has been deemed normal, expected and dare I say demanded of and from women, woe instantly betides you and the interesting fact about these rules is they are so fluid and certainly not in a way that benefits you as a woman.

The people who make these rules[and by people we’re very much talking about men; the patriarchy and women who have internalised misogyny. can wake up at any time and decide which rule stays or is applicable to a certain situation and which should be tweaked to drive home their point in that given circumstance. In the case of misogyny, ‘K’ is not always constant. It is now left to you, to twist and bend like a contortionist to be able to fit that particular situation and it doesn’t matter if your body is still in folds from the past situation you tried to fit into, once master says hop, you hop immediately, broken limbs and whatnot.

I’ll give you a practical example. Men around the globe have made it a habit to collectively complain about the leechful nature of women. They’ve come up with all sorts of theories to prove that women are only concerned about the financial capacity of men and how much they are willing to provide so much so that, they believe a prerequisite to be loved by women and also the pass to amass as many women as they can as though women are properties, lies in the size of their pockets. And so, they claim to only desire women who can hold their own, with or without a man– as it should be of course. Once you’re of legal age you should be able to care for yourself regardless of gender and most especially as a woman and you will find out why soon.

These men who want women with a sense of financial responsibility and independence do not want these women to live in the consciousness of the fact that they indeed have this money and enjoy the independence that actually comes with being financially independent. That is why you hear things like “women who have money or power are arrogant… as a woman with wealth, if you can’t submit, you won’t bag and keep a man” and many other absurd contradictory statements like this.

What this simply implies is, I may tag myself provider, but I don’t appreciate you leaning on me solely for provision and you may also be solely responsible or very much capable to handle your own provision, but I also demand you reverence my supremacy and caress my ego as though you are dependent on me. Tell me, with these fluctuating rules, if you indeed live a life of servitude to the patriarchy, you will most definitely be stuck between choosing financial dependence on a man and chasing your goals to be financially independent. Just hear the absurdity in this statement!

This is one example out of a thousand instances and tell you sincerely, that is no way to live. The women before you like; Mary Wollstonecraft, who championed the feminist movement dating way back to 1792 with her text ‘A Vindication of the Rights of Woman’ which seeks to thoroughly empower and educate women as to why they deserve same level and quality  of education as men and their reasoning abilities and contributions to society are not inferior to that of men. In this text, she also critiques and highlights the dangers of gender norms in this text. Pointing out that women are very much capable of existing as rational beings and hence, should not for any reason be confined to gender roles which are more often than never, domestic and she emphasizes the fact that, true virtue comes from reason and independence and not from following blindly some made up superficial principles to the 19th and 20th century revolutions lead by women who either acted out of courage or fear to spearhead the movement for attaining basic rights, women’s suffrage and balancing legal inequalities did not risk their lives for you to still be bound in the shackles of misogyny.

Nobody, especially not men, should attempt to tell you how to be a feminist. You don’t need to be subtle about your feminism. You don’t need to tone it down to appeal to a certain demographic of people, heck you don’t owe anyone an explanation for the choices you make for the benefit and well being of you! Hard as these women fought, there’s still so much work to be done, so much you have no idea. So if your tiny bit to the grand scheme of things is the anger and bitterness and madness that dwells in your heart in reaction to these happenings, please by all means necessary allow this anger to exude through your pores at every given time and place.

Don’t cower, don’t choose when it’s appropriate to be mad, for every second somewhere, some woman is being raped, killed, abused, battered, denied an opportunity,victimized, being silenced, having her choices and opinions that affect nobody but her piqued oppresed– just generally going through the most bizarre situations just because they are women and there isn’t a time where men will not make it seem like there’s some sort of justification and appropriation for this and so, my darling girls burn with rage and enlighten as many who haven’t reached same depths of anger as you as to why they should be angry.

You don’t owe anybody pretty. You do not owe people who marginalize you any form of grace. You will not depend on anyone to validate your feelings towards any form of action meted towards you nor will you allow them to detect your response to these actions. The only person you owe anything is you!

You will pour into yourself. You will only make choices that benefit you. You will not conform to some laid down rules after all, we weren’t formed with rules, people make rules and it is because of this that you can make the rules that concern you– how you live your life as a woman, the choices you make as regards your life and body and most of all, how loud your voice will remain against injustice done to you and standing in solidarity with other women.

Burn with rage. Do not tame your anger. Anytime you utter words in protest, it should roll off the tip of your bitter tongue, you can’t chew sweet and puke bitter. In all of this remember, there’s no definition or description of a feminist that does not connote the literal meaning of the word and so, at the end of it all, no matter the adjective in front, we should all be feminists!